Updates

I want to have nicer things to write about. There was a time when I could write stories and poems. I was good at it during that time. Now, there is so much unhappiness that goes on in my home-life that I'm usually drained, both mentally and physically.

My son is getting steadily more destructive in the home. Punching walls and leaving holes in them every time I ground him or say no to something. I guess it's better than windows as he was doing about two years ago. He has also upgraded to hitting me or his sisters at times. I don't understand why as he never got to see the abuse I went through in one relationship. He has not seen anyone in my life abusing women. Somewhere he has gotten it into his head that I am wrong for not allowing him to do whatever it is he wants. People look at it as being me doing something wrong as well. I punish in terms of them losing things or time away from the home, where he makes very clear he doesn't want to be.

Parenting classes have been suggested. That's a go to for everything now and I took some about 15 years ago. Maybe something has changed, but all they taught was ways to punish your child that weren't very harmful. They didn't teach how to deal with a child that will get violent and harm everyone within the family when they don't get their way.

His younger sisters are starting to follow suit. One screaming every time she doesn't like what I am saying to her, telling my fiance and I to shut up, and hitting the littlest. They all want more from me but are destroying things that I absolutely have to replace. How can they not understand that destroying things makes it harder to provide more?

People tell me to pick my battles. I ask what part of those things should I leave alone for society to deal with when they are older? I didn't teach them this. The future I see so far is that they will be homeless and into drugs and I won't watch that spiral once they are of age.