Theresa's books

Roc and a Hard Place
Geis of the Gargoyle
Harpy Thyme
Demons Don't Dream
The Color of Her Panties
Question Quest
Isle of View
Man from Mundania
Heaven Cent
Crewel Lye
Golem in the Gears
Vale of the Vole
Dragon on a Pedestal
Ogre, Ogre
Witch's Halloween: A Complete Guide to the Magick, Incantations, Recipes, Spells, and Lore
The Book of Runes: A Handbook for the Use of an Ancient Oracle: The Viking Runes with Stones
The Diary of a Young Girl
Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone
The Hobbit

Theresa's favorite books »

Thursday, September 7, 2017

Starting Over Pt 2

Things are mostly better now. I'm working an out of the home job and getting out of the house with the kids. Have some people around me that can tolerate my children and seem to actually enjoy our company. They are the absolute most helpful people ever and I know I can't show them how much I truly appreciate their help. Not yet, at least.

I have found that my ex has said things that are untrue to people about me. That's fine. I had to ask him to stop texting me to make accusations about my child. My ex's daughter has posted a video with the situation a bit wrong, again fine. I'm trying to move my children and I forward. I'm just hoping they don't see it.

I've kept the situation quiet because it's not one that should be public. I've been accused of untrue things and the other party has had nothing happen. Yet the others keep telling everyone about a situation they have no right to broadcast and without all the facts, just to make me and my children look bad. I'm getting so very frustrated. 

While trying to move on and start over, I've actually been happy. It seems as though this garbage is going to pop up just to keep me in a bit of a depression. I shouldn't let it bother me, I know. I'm trying to work on not caring about anything but my children. It's not easy.

My children and I are all seeing counselors now. What they have to say is interesting. I don't have complete thoughts in my head right now, just a lot of frustration and mixed emotion so will end it here. Have a great week or month all.

Tuesday, August 15, 2017

Starting Over Pt 1

Since breaking up with my ex, I am temporarily staying with a very nice and helpful family until I can get back on my feet. I didn't know I had people here before this fiasco. I'm very grateful to know I have these people and more.

I almost decided to leave this area, but have had time to think rationally and decided not to. The children have too much going on here and I really don't want to start over with all their medical needs. They are also doing pretty well in these schools.

I've set some short term goals for myself: 
  1. Get work
    1. Hopefully, this goal will have a start come Labor Day. It's a temporary job, but maybe it'll become more than that. This one is out of the home and I still want some in-home work.
  2.  Counseling
    1. I started counseling because the situation that brought me to breaking up with my ex caused me a lot of mental anguish. Breaking up with him was hard for me but it's not why I needed to seek counseling. 
  3. A home
    1. Will be working on this at a later time. My boy's probation officer sounds willing and eager to help with this. 
  4. A car
    1. Will be working on this at some point. Kind of need one with me wanting my home to be basically in the middle of nowhere.

Since the break-up, the kids have been happier and I've been told I look healthier. I know I've been less stressed. The kids and I have made some great new friends and gotten out of the house more. I also have more actual help with my children. This family is pretty great. I've never had this much help and less interference.

That's all I can think of for now. I'll keep updating when I have anything to say.

Friday, June 30, 2017

My Homelife - Originally Written 6/26/2016 12:47 PM

I am posting this 6/30/2017 because I am no longer worried about creating waves that are already there.

Today, I am deep in thought and reminded of this poem:

Tuesday, June 20, 2017

I'm Single Again

I'm not happy that my now ex and I are splitting up but it needed to happen at this point. The kids haven't wanted us together for a long time, if ever. It's gotten to be too much to bare. My children are constantly making accusations and I don't know what's true even if I don't want to believe any of it.

When it comes to your children, you have to worry about them. The relationship was for me not them. Although I, personally, have nothing bad to say about him. I'm pretty sure he has plenty to say about me.

I could tell when he was upset with me and wouldn't say it to me. He has been less happy for a while and I worry too much about how the others in my life feel so I wasn't really happy anymore. I know I'm "crazy". Maybe my life is an excuse for it and maybe it's not. Because of me (even though I told him not to do this), he didn't talk to his friends pretty much at all, he didn't go out when I could tell he needed to. I would tell him to go because I was the one with smaller children that no one wanted to babysit.

I will fix my "Family" section on the blog to reflect this after I have moved and gotten settled. Luckily, I have one family member willing to help me with a place to stay. I know that I'm a hard person for anyone to deal with and once I get settled I need to just stay on my own. Maybe I can re-figure what I'm good at and start this back up with a gusto. Or I might even write through the pain.

Thursday, June 15, 2017

Where Did I Go Wrong?

I was a promising child. No genius or anything, but I was smart. Got good grades, participated in whatever stuff my parents would allow. I wasn't allowed to leave my yard for the most part. Plenty of the other kids around me could run all over (including my brothers) and I was always jealous of it. For my life, I know where I went wrong.

Where I wonder, is with my children. I've always taught them about the right thing Taught them that learning is very important. I've put them above everything else. Now that they are reaching teenage years.

A has been doing this battle with me for a few years now (he's 2 months away from 15 as I write this). He wants to be removed from the home ever since going to respite in New York. He saw how fun it was for his temporary stay and figures that anywhere he goes that's not home is going to be like that. So far, he's been right. His stay in a mental hospital was mostly playing video games according to what he told me. That and not having chores is enough to make it better than here. I know that he also has respect for new people and his friends. But he comes home in a rage often and then somehow I'm the one that started it. I guess I did that by just existing. He is becoming a delinquent and I have absolutely no control. What I say to him doesn't matter unless he can find a way to twist it into a reason to break my house or one of the professionals are around. He makes threats if I don't let him leave.

K (two months from being 12 as I write this) had started bullying D for the last two years or so. She still has soft feelings when it is her being corrected (at home) or picked on (at school), but she sure can dish it. According to her, every time I correct her it is yelling and every time I say she can't leave because she hasn't done her chores I hate her. When I give her a certain time she can go somewhere she tells her friends earlier. I don't even like her leaving the property yet, but I suck it up because everyone else around me makes me feel I'm wrong for believing she shouldn't be running off so much at her age. She has been lying in messages to people about how I would feel about certain things about herself, about what I think on certain issues, and saying I'd kick her out for something that is not a big deal to me. Apparently she talks about "our business" to her friends (one 'friend' told me this). She makes up so much that I doubt she's really talking about our business. What's worse is that I feel as though all the other adults in the situation are condoning this.

Z has been disrespectful to me almost since I met his father and it is only getting worse. I'm female so to him I'm shit. He doesn't get punished for it because he won't listen to me and no one else punishes him for it.

H has just left me out of her life except to be a middle man for her father when she has his number.

For H and Z, I have been their caretaker for the last 5 years, so would have thought I'd matter just a little. Enough not to be treated like trash. The more I think about it, the more I realize A, K, and D started acting like that towards me since being around H and Z. Mine used to have more respect for me, but between the new family members and other outside influences they have learned that I am nothing. And I'm pretty much powerless to correct this.

I'm being told to seek counseling. What would that help though? I'd only be doing what I do here and maybe being given suggestions. I've tried so many suggestions but they never work for long. I'm at the point that I just look forward to them growing up and out so that I can be alone. I love my kids but I'm emotionally/mentally and physically beat. Sometimes the latter is very literal.