Today, I am deep in thought and reminded of this poem:
I am sad to think I may embody the negatives. I am apprehensive, critical, guilty, and impatient. I don't like to be this way, but I don't know how to get better.
In my early twenties, I took things in stride and caught on to damn near everything quickly. Now, I can barely remember some daily words or names. I know what I am capable of because I have done it. However, I'm so depressed half the time that I can't seem to accomplish the simplest of things. The whole household is unhappy and hostile at the moment.
The children are all in this stage where they are only happy when they have caused an argument or another of each other to be in trouble. When one adult asks them a questions or says something to them, they are twisting the words into something else as they tell another adult.
The adults are all trying to be adults and getting in each other's way, with the oldest treating the other two as children. In the sense of age difference, we are. We are also capable of making decisions for ourselves and having conversations that do not include anyone else in the household. The oldest adult has also begun trying to impose her views on me.
My SO is unhappy and won't tell me anything. Everyone complains about each other behind their backs. I'm just tired.
Personally, I've had most people in my life trying to govern it and am at the point where done with it. I grew up in a household that was critical and full of shaming. I started trying to get away from that with my own children but fear it may have crept in anyway. It's easy not to realize you do these things until it's too late. The children have already begun teaching each other these things combined with things they learn from other children and us adults.
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