Holidays on the Way

I dislike the holidays since my mom passed. I am pretty much forced to celebrate them more extravagantly than I care to. I'm fine with just hanging out at home and making special desserts for the family. But now I have to do get-togethers if I want to keep those around me happy.

Each year it seems like I have less to celebrate. Things are definitely looking up lately, but I'm still not in a mood to celebrate. My seasonal job looks like it may become year round and it's great paying. Plus, I like being there. Most of the people are easy to get along with. I have found that late teens/early twenties are a cocky little bunch. I wonder if that's how I acted at those ages. It's annoying as hell.

My 13-year-old daughter is so secretive and it drives me nuts. I couldn't create the relationship I had with my mother. I wonder if she is lying to me or to her friends. With them she's all doom and gloom and with me everything is 'fine' even though I know it's not completely fine. It truly sucks when your kid starts learning to be shady. I'd like to say the other kids are teaching it but I don't really know.  She was always well-behaved for me before last year's crap. Some kids are bullying her on her school bus from what a friend of hers told me.Some other girl is pissed off that she is now dating the boy that broke up with that girl. I think those two things are connected.

My 16-year-old is doing better last I knew. He's supposed to be getting out of Youth Detention soon. Won't be coming straight home from it, but at least there's a chance he won't spend his life in jail at this point.

My 9-year-old is still the odd one out with her peers. It's funny how I had kids that were so beautifully themselves and the ones around them ruin their image of themselves. I don't want them to be like everyone else. Their uniqueness is slowly dying though.

The chickens are all laying now. It's so awesome. Unfertilized fresh eggs are the best! I may get to try fresh sausage and rabbit sometime soon. I really do love being in an area with a lot of rural community around. I might feel differently if I'd grown up here but I love it as is. I just don't like the gossipy nature of this place.

It's weird to have so much good around me but still feel alone. I'm kind of waiting for something to go wrong. That's the way it always has been. I'm hoping it continues to look up, though. Going to start doing some other projects soon and will talk about them.