Tough Love

I grew up abused as did my brothers. When I was 12, I tried to make my father accountable for it and was sent back to home because there was no concrete proof. My dad led the house with fear.

In life, I've had one physically abusive boyfriend and several mentally/emotionally abusive ones. I am not by any means perfect and have made some very stupid decisions.

I refuse to let my son abuse me any longer. Over time he's made accusations towards me that were untrue and I only mildly tried to correct them. I mostly just let him say those things for whatever sympathy he's looking for. I've had him seeing counselors since he was in the 3rd grade and after trying to change his diet to avoid medications and it not working out, I allowed the medications. The medications fixed one thing but brought on others. He also has a strong enough mind to fight his medications. What I try to teach him is wrong, he goes and does. The last straw for me was when he beat on me at the end of March 2020. All the times he took off (ran away basically), all the things he broke (walls, doors, windows) and I put up with it. But breaking my face up is not something I can just let him come back with.

He was staying somewhere and couldn't properly follow their rules or work so they kicked him out yesterday. I am trying to find another place for him to stay even if it means me somehow paying for it along with my own bills on less than 1k a month earnings. But I will not let him back in my home. He hit the bigger of his younger sisters before me and she didn't want me to push the issue. The youngest is very small and I'm not going to chance he does to her like he did me.

The argument the day he hit me started with the fact that he cut the screen so he could sneak in his bedroom window without waking us since he never follows curfew even though the adults in the home have to work early in the morning. I asked him how he's gonna get it fixed. Then he started in with everything that's wrong with me, as usual, to deflect blame away from him. Finally he got mad enough with the fact that I wasn't having it that he tossed a wood chair at me. I pushed the top of it off me and flipped it back. Then he started wailing on me. I had bumps and bruises all over my head, face, back, legs, and arms. I will not allow this situation to happen again even if it puts me in jail for telling him he can't come back. 

I taught him to value family, not step on them. I may doubt the job I'm doing a lot of the days as a parent, but I will NOT allow another person to abuse me so long as a I live.