My Realization

I started this post in May 2018

I am thinking a lot today. I saw my counselor. Told her some of my feelings. She actually validated some of them rather than telling me I was wrong. She has been trying to help me use my "wise mind" more than m emotional mind to make decisions. When I open up about some of the things in my past she has told me I actually handled them well.

The fact that I raise my voice may not be good, but what I actually say isn't usually wrong. Yes I've been unable to prevent some things from happening and, although there are people that like to throw it in my face, I am human. What she keeps reiterating to me is that I am responsible for how I handle things, not how others view my way of handling them or how others react to my emotions. She's right. I need to keep myself in control and not let others influence my behavior as much.

I am realizing what I want. I want to work, but not so much that I am not being there for my family. I want to raise my own children. I don't like relying on others at all. I want to make enough to pay my bills and have what is needed without sacrificing my children's time. I don't need to go on expensive getaways. I just need enough to pay bills, get what we need, and have money to take them somewhere fun now and then that's not expensive.

Just updates for March 2018

First....

Starting Over Pt 1

Since breaking up with my ex, I am temporarily staying with a very nice and helpful family until I can get back on my feet. I didn't know I had people here before this fiasco. I'm very grateful to know I have these people and more.

I almost decided to leave this area, but have had time to think rationally and decided not to. The children have too much going on here and I really don't want to start over with all their medical needs. They are also doing pretty well in these schools.

I've set some short term goals for myself: 

1. Get work
1. Hopefully, this goal will have a start come Labor Day. It's a temporary job, but maybe it'll become more than that. This one is out of the home and I still want some in-home work.
2.  Counseling
1. I started counseling because the situation that brought me to breaking up with my ex caused me a lot of mental anguish. Breaking up with him was hard for me but it's not why I needed to seek counseling. 
3. A home
1. Will be working on this at a later time. My boy's probation officer sounds willing and eager to help with this. 
4. A car
1. Will be working on this at some point. Kind of need one with me wanting my home to be basically in the middle of nowhere.

Since the break-up, the kids have been happier and I've been told I look healthier. I know I've been less stressed. The kids and I have made some great new friends and gotten out of the house more. I also have more actual help with my children. This family is pretty great. I've never had this much help and less interference.

That's all I can think of for now. I'll keep updating when I have anything to say.

I'M BACK!!!

Hi there! I had to reinstate this blog and everything because I didn't have access to my account for a long time, but I'm back! I can't say that I'll be a more regular poster but I sure will try.